Working Mothers and Stay at Home Mothers is there a choice?

Before you start thinking that this post is going to be some bash on working women or stay at home mothers, it isn't. Its just a single girls opinion of what the feminist movement and some LDS views of the role of women. I am not an expert on the feminist movement or on motherhood and its trials and tribulations. Which is why I think it is easy for me to make a statement. I have a view which favors neither, but has empathy for both. I thought about this because I recently have had this discussion with several friends. Some of which are stay-at-home mothers and others are working a traditional 9-5 job with children in daycare.

First, feminism. In the 19th and early 20th Century, the LDS church was quite revolutionary in its view of women and their roles in comparison with the rest of the U.S. LDS women were early suffragists and some of the first to vote and even hold political office. Many Early feminists such as Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Susan B. Anthony even worked with LDS women to further the movement across the country. LDS women attended and received professional degrees at a higher rate than the rest of the women in the country at this same time, some LDS women even becoming doctors. Women felt confident in their roles within the LDS community as wives and as feminists.

However, the term feminist has become synonymous with "bra-burnings" and "man-haters" due to conservative talk shows and other misinformed people. I believe that there are certain aspects of feminism which have allowed women to become whole. By "whole" I mean, discover for themselves what they can become due to choice and not societal expectations or limitations of what they can become.

An example of what the feminist movement has done for women can be found in my first story, my mother. My mother is a great role-model for my sisters and I. She received her advanced degree in a country not her own and a language which she struggled to read and write in. Her lowest college grade was a B+. I'm not going to say what my lowest grade was, but it was lower than a B+. That's all you need to know. Her younger sisters followed in her footsteps earning master's degrees in traditional and non-traditional areas for women such as; Teaching, Nursing, Accounting and Computer Science. This was in the 1970's and 1980's.

My mother and my father together determined that she should work and support our family. He worked as well, but in Real Estate and had a more flexible schedule. So my father did the carpooling and had dinner ready at home. There are times when she struggled with that decision, but through prayer and example they raised great kids, especially their middle daughter. ;) My mother and her sisters have all encouraged their daughters to gain and education and join the job force as they did. She sometimes envied women who could stay home full time with their children and felt guilty for working.

Many of my friends also have similar histories with their mothers. I remember as a freshman and Sophomore at BYU, some of my friends and I discussed our future after graduation. Most of us agreed that while we all wanted to become mothers, we also wanted to work. This had just become an expectation of ourselves because we believed that since our mothers had balanced work and home, so could we.

Fast forward about 10 years and my friends are now divided. Some are stay-at-home mothers and love their role, but feel guilty for not being able to juggle it all. Others have learned to balance home office jobs or traditional office 9-5 jobs with family life or at least they are trying. The feminist movement did not solve this dilemma nor did it create this problem. It allowed women the choice to choose what they want. Reasoning that it created this problem is like saying that because a teacher taught a concept and then gave the students a quiz on the subject, the teacher set-up the students for failure. The teacher should have just not taught anything new, simply allowed them to regurgitate old information, so that they could just continue in their bliss.

I love the movie Mona Lisa Smiles because I feel that the writer perfectly summed up the dilemma of women with families. In the end the brilliant character played by Julia Stiles is accepted into Yale Law School. She declines the invitation, because she wants to support her husband. Julia Roberts character laments about her wasting her talents as a housewife and Stiles character responds by saying,

"You stand in class and tell us to look beyond the image, but you don't. To you a housewife is someone who sold her soul for a center hall colonial. She has no depth, no intellect, no interests. You're the one who said I could do anything I wanted. This is what I want. "

The essence of what my mother who had a career and women who decided to work inside the home achieved, is that it allowed THEM to make decision as to what worked best for their family. Society should not dictate what role you must occupy within it. You and your husband determine that. Or if you don't have a spouse, you have the option to not be forced to occupy a "traditional" career that is "acceptable." You can become whatever you want. Fulfilling the measure of your creation, isn't that what the gospel is about, to have a fullness of joy. So, while I don't embrace all of the aspects of the National Organization for Women (NOW). I celebrate the barriers it has removed for women and allowed them the opportunity to make a choice for their families and themselves. What am I going to be when I grow up? Whatever I want.

My Secrets

So, I titled the beginning to titillate you into reading further. Trust me, while I am all about transparency in government, I'm not about to publicly declare anything personal that can come back to bite me in the boo-tay. Ok-ay! So, these are things you may already know about me and things you can learn. They aren't a "secret" as much as information that I don't share because they don't come up in conversation all the time.

My comfort food is McDonald's regular cheeseburger, no pickles & no onions. When I get really stressed that is what I eat. It reminds me of my late grandpa Nomani. My parents were very poor when I was growing up. We NEVER ate out, okay never is a strong word, rarely would be more appropriate. My grandpa took me the few times I ever remember eating out, we went to Hardee's and he ordered me a cheeseburger and small fries and an orange drink. I can't remember if it was a "happy meal" but I just remember I thought it was THE best thing ever. I think my little sister Mounu was with me, but I can't remember. So, now if you see me eating a McD's cheeseburger, I'm either really stressed or I have no money for anything else. ;D

I sleep on my stomach. I know, why would you ever want to know that information. Like I said, it doesn't ever come up in conversation and its just an FYI. So, FYI, I sleep on my stomach, with one leg slightly bent. You're welcome.

I think my best physical features are my hands. I am also lazy at times and so, I rarely ever paint my nails. Also, I HATE when the nail polish chips off and I have a fear of acrylic nails. I have heard horror stories about the damage that acrylic nails do to your nail beds and your cuticles. So, I will never get acrylic nails. So, my nails look like crap until I fix them. Drama you never thought you knew about me.

When I put gas in my car, the amount has to end in either a 0 or 5. Its my OCD. I have very few OCD tendencies, unlike my cousins and siblings. My car is one of my OCD tendencies. Not necessarily the cleanliness, but the maintenance. I have a fear of being stranded. I have AAA, a cell phone, tons of relatives, I can change a tire (I hate doing it, especially out at night in the dark) and have read all the owners manuals of the cars I have owned. I can jump my car using cables. I used to have a battery starter in my car where I could plug it into the cigarette lighter and start it. I loaned it to someone and never got it back. Probably a relative. Go ahead, write it in the comments that you still have it. I'll wait for you to respond then track you down like the thief that you are. ;P

I think that's enough secrets for now. You may feel really close to me now and feel like we went to girls camp or something together. We didn't. I didn't go to girls camp. Unless you count Oakcrest as a "girls camp" then I went once. Also, we had a yw camp out once, but we stayed at a really really nice cabin in Parley's that was nicer than my home. So, I don't count that either. No latrines for me thank you. What do you expect from a 4-H drop-out. Oh, yeah that's another secret I forgot to mention. I'll talk about that some other time, or you can ask.

Why am I still single???

This weekend I went to Las Vegas for a friends birthday. I had a great time and I am a believer in the motto , "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" so to protect the innocent, I will not mention anything. I did not go to Vegas to find romance or anything. It was coming home that romance tried to find me. I hid from it like a fat kid hides from its gym teacher.

Let me create the scenario for you. I had returned back to the hotel at 3:30 AM. My brother, who is an insomniac called me and I returned his call. We spoke on the phone until 4:30. I woke up at 5:15 AM to catch the 6:20 flight. The hotel was only 8 mins away, so no big deal. I sat next to a very interesting guy. We spoke the entire hour and a half flight. Needless to say, I was exhausted by the time I got to the Salt Lake Airport. I sat down at the curb and waited for my aunt to come and pick me up.

As I was sitting there, a friendly security guard walked by and proceeded to make small talk with me. I thought he was just being friendly and so I chatted back. Then he proceeded to ask me if I am:

1. Single. Answer. Yes. I didn't really think anything at this point. My mind was a bit slow from the exhaustion.
2. Age. Answer. I don't think that age is anything to be ashamed of, I answered 31. To which he began to crudely remark that I should have "popped out 5-6 kids from there" pointing to my abdomen area. I was tired and didn't want to move. So, I just sat there shocked.
3. Gay. Answer. I should have said yes, but I was too shocked from the last question, so I answered honestly No.
4. Dated only polynesian guys. Answer. I get this question all the time, I automatically answered no. But, I was tired.
5. Dated only white men. Answer. I hear that exhaustion is used in torture to make people reveal truths that they normally would have lied about. It must work because, I said no.
6. Dated good looking black men. Answer. He was black so I almost laughed, but I was too tired. I replied that if he had a good personality, like any guy I would consider it. He then stepped right in front of me and said "I'll wait for you to ask me for my phone number."

I responded by picking up my phone pretending I was going to ask him for his phone number then, loudly asked my aunt if she was going to pick me up...SOON!

These are the kind of guys that ask me out. That is WHY I am still single.

You Travel and You Learn...really!

I just returned from vacation in Anaheim. So, much fun! I had never gone vacationing with these ladies. We had a great time. But I learned a few things...

• Surfers are the same everywhere...YES! Just don't speak to them, it ruins the fantasy.
• Koreans make excellent sushi -They have the #1 sushi restaurant in Newport, according to them
• In and Out Burgers are STILL my favorite...unfortunately.Mapquest is sometimes a suggestion...not a guarantee.
• The Volcano at the rainforest cafe is a challenge that I could not conquer!
• Going with a Disneyworld castmember to Disneyland is asking for trouble...love ya Jac!
• There are alot of Elks, and they also belong to AARP and they love hot tubs *shivers*
• Just because Mapquest says Take I-405/I-605 it doesn't really mean it. It wants you to pick one...the right one.
• California drivers STILL don't know how to use turn signals...don't get cocky Utah drivers, at least they know how to merge.
• Like in Utah 65 MPH is a minimum not a limit.

That's about all. I had tons of fun and can't wait to go back again to Magic Mountain and Disneyland.

Is that passion fruit in your pocket, or are you just happy to read me?

So, I am a single gal, I think I mentioned that in my last post (I make it sound as if I have so many). Therefore, I must work for a living. I enjoy what I do for a living. I work in Sales and get to speak to different kinds of people all day long. I work with people who want to get rich quick and cure cancer with their potions. I work with people who want to save the world through dentistry, genealogy, religion and even romance novelists, believe it! You name it there is an organization for it. These people are all very sincere about their associations and their agendas. I've learned that you can have a passion for almost anything. I would like to find the association for procrastinators, but I just haven't had the time, maybe later. The point is that you need to find your passion. Is it your family? Is it your job? Is it a hobby that you have? I'm still trying to find mine. Definitely, my family and friends are part of my passion. Traveling is a hobby, but I wouldn't say a passion. Many times, I just want to sit in a quiet room and read. Is that a passion, maybe.

My mother is a librarian, she has a masters degree in library science. She doesn't understand why I enjoy my job. I told her that I don't think I would enjoy her job. She said, that she helps people learn and she learns with them. She gets to discover something new every day. I love libraries. I've always loved them, now I know why she does. So, the next time you wonder why someone is happy, maybe they're doing something they enjoy. Bloom where you are planted is a philosophy I subscribe to, some people bloom because they love where they are planted. I'm glad we all have different ideas and philosophies. If we were all conservative or liberal how exciting would that debate be for us to watch? How would we grow?